Diana Fluck and Wooten Bassett

Above is a pic from The Old Pretenders 2006 tour. Sadly, logistics prevented a tour in 2007. This year was the turn of Swindon.

Like a number of past tours, despite the tour name we didn't actually go to Swindon. We merely skirted around it and spent our time in the delightful small town of Wooten Bassett and nearby little villages.

As my camera won't download any pics you'l have to wait until the next post. A few will appear then - the majority on our website which I'll link to once my camera is fixed.

The subtitle of the tour is The Diana Fluck Tour as she was apparently born in Swindon before gaining fame as the actress Diana Dors.

We lost 7 - 3 against a team of young chaps who play in a league so quite a respectable result, and drew the second with me playing in goal for the opposition and earning a 20 pence fine as a result.

We were all fined 20 pence at regular intervals for discretions real and imagined

A £150 + bar bill came as a bit of a shock to my 'roomie' Captain Basil - my manager at work. Considering many of us spent around £200 each on primarily alcohol away from the hotel he was amazed at my consumption as he'd only had the odd drink in the hotel.

I was also fined due to a young lady exposing her breasts in the hotel lounge despite having nothing whatever to do with it......honest ;-)

Pookie was tour captain and spent the entire time with a road cone hat on his head,

Jesus failed to walk on the swimming pool water thereby claiming we shouldn't call him Jesus,

JC failed to remember his room number for the entire tour and was caught trying to mistakenly enter the room of a newly married couple,

Bazza the Lime Pickle Man had to take an emergency pee in a bottle on the coach,

'Sally' Fuddy Duddy, Mark Formerly Known as Fatboy and Wiggy were fined for peeing in a bush as we kicked off,

Captain Basil was fined for having a rest in his room and being caught watching Big Brother there,

Stormin' attempted to reinstate the banned Philosophers Society,

Four Dinners (me) was fined for instigating a fracas in the hotel regarding a young blond, her bottom, her husband, a pound coin and a pint pot and included the 'quote of the tour' when said young blond bent over in front of me and said "Push it up my arse". More of this in the next post I think.....

We played cricket in a park on the Saturday afternoon and Fero, our Egyptian international attempted to swing the cricket bat as a baseball bat,

JC was attacked by a large plant in the hotel entrance,

We were mistaken for a train spotter club - which I suppose is better than gay bell ringers as per the Cambridge tour......

All in all an excellent and enjoyable tour.

The Old Pretenders Football Club arrived back today.

I am still quite drunk - no change there then.

I am in trouble for my bar bill with Caz - no change there then.

I am now going for a large vodka - no change there then.

Laters 'n let's be careful out there..................